Panic ramble

Hello!

I still didn't manage to sort out a plan to tell the story, to share all that I learned, what I suffered and what brought joy.

Today was bad. Almost every day has been bad since this March. I only remember panic free moments. Not days, not weeks, just moments. It's been crippling my soul in a way that I don't know what to do anymore, I don't feel I have the power anymore. Yesterday I drove past the playground where I used to walk my dog. It brought back so many memories in a heartbeat and at the same time so much pain, because we haven't taken a walk in months. I miss the things I used to do and now can't do. I miss not depending on anyone.

The loneliness of this past seven months is tremendous. I lost almost all contact with friends, which made me feel the weird one, although I am the SAME ONE. 

What helps a bit?

1. prayer. 
2. seeing all my pictures, remembering the joy, remembering the blessings, remembering everything I did despite the panics.
3. the YouTube channel Wonder Bro. He's an amazing guy and I am trying to get into my head that I mustn't run or fight. Watching his videos help.
4. some good friends I met online on a wonderful group, their words, support and understanding.

Never give up!

xoxo

Welcome!

This is going to be a long journey, both for me and for all of you readers. There is a lot of information, which I will try to put together as well and concise and useful as possible. 

This is a story that has been going on for almost two decades now. It is my story. The panic attacks story. The real story of how my life changed, in a way I never expected, sometimes to the worst, sometimes to the most wonderful and very best. It is a story of pain, of joy, of immense and hard struggle. Of mistakes made by doctors, of mistakes made by myself and by my family and friends.

It is a story that cannot be left unsaid anymore.

Welcome!

Enjoy the ride along with me.